Grief, coping, and dropping the burden mindset

Grief doesn't follow a timeline.

‍Hallmark commercials would have us believe that the holiday season is a time for joy, celebration, and togetherness. Certainly the holidays can present an opportunity to give thanks for what (and more importantly, who) we have in life, and often we have time to take a much-needed break from the daily grind. But for many of us, the holiday season also comes with sharp pangs of grief. Maybe you’ve recently lost someone close to you, or you’re carrying the weight of past losses. Or perhaps you are one of many people feeling isolated and lonely in a post-pandemic world. Maybe you're simply grieving the weight of the world. Whatever your situation, navigating grief amidst the holiday noise - the traditions, the decorations and jingles, the constant reminders of what’s missing - can feel overwhelming. But know this: you are not alone.

We at HPP often support clients through times of grief and mourning. In fact, Dr. Robyn Pashby recently presented on grief and how it affects your weight, and Dr. Greer Raggio published an article on grief and health in the Summer 2024 edition of the OAC Obesity Matters magazine. So we understand that grief is a complex, deeply personal experience, and no two people grieve in the same way. However, we would like to share some additional tools for how to manage your grief during this and future holiday seasons without letting it consume you.

‍Tools for coping with grief

‍‍1. Recognize your feelings

‍It’s okay not to feel festive. Grief doesn’t adhere to anyone else’s timeline! So, instead of forcing holiday cheer, give yourself permission to feel your feelings - whether anger, sadness, loneliness, or something else. Grief is normal during the holidays, and it’s important to allow space for it. Naming feelings is a critical first step in coping.

‍2. Create new traditions

‍Some of your holiday traditions may be hard right now. Maybe hosting a holiday party is too stressful, or decorating a tree brings up memories you’d rather avoid. Whatever it is, allow yourself to change or skip the usual fanfare. Traditions are not requirements, despite what you may have been taught. You can create new traditions that feel more manageable—maybe a quiet day of reflection, going on a cool winter hike, or lighting a candle for your loved one. You don’t have to do what everyone else is doing in order to get through the holidays in one piece!

‍3. Drop the burden mentality

‍Grief is exhausting, but you might hesitate to ask for help out of fear of burdening others. Of course we encourage you to give yourself plenty of time to rest and do things that feel good for your mind and body, like going for a walk, journaling, watching a movie or TV series, or just getting some much needed extra sleep. But truthfully, togetherness is a salve for grief, so if you feel comfortable, ask for support from friends or family, or reach out to a spiritual leader to talk. You can ask a trusted person to listen (and NOT give advice) or just sit with you quietly. For some, working with a professional to navigate grief using science-based tools (far beyond messages to “cheer up”) is an important step. Most importantly, remember that asking for what you need from others is not a burden, it is a requirement for your personal health and wellbeing.

In short, the holidays don’t have to be a cookie-cutter affair. They can be a time for honoring your grief and taking care of yourself, however that looks like for you. Know that your grief and the way you are grieving is valid - no matter the time of year. Take things at your own pace, and give yourself the space to navigate this holiday season in a way that works for you.

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We at HPP are here for you! Reach out to us HERE for a free consultation.

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Photo credit: Stas Knop